I go to a globo gym sometimes. I know, I know… how HORRIBLEEEEE of me. The honest truth of it is – I have a child, and a THOUSAND jobs… and just can’t make it many times to CF with my schedule and childcare. I work very hard at globo-gym-ville… I call it the fishbowl because of how the set up is… mirrors everywhere, flanked by people and eyeballs…and as of late, have been getting some attention.
This attention is INTERESTING. I use that word a lot actually. Attention ranging from (a while back) – a Rick Ross stunt double giving me the *tip that some plastic middle section compression band thing-y would really help tone everything up… well, I couldn’t quite understand him – so the dinosaur DNA theory (Jurassic Park) assisted me in that conclusion. I had one dude give me his card telling me his Dad owns an Italian restaurant (his name was Mario – go figure) and I should stop by for a free pasta dinner… ummmm, no can do Luigi… I’m paleo… check it out! (funny stuff) I’ve met some incredible people too… a wandering spirit with a kind soul…an older Hispanic woman who approached me telling me how much she admires me and wants to know what to do to get arms like me… I was admiring this woman body builder who ultimately came up to me, telling me how impressed she was by me and my regimen…
PEOPLE. Social interaction is vital for a balanced life… There are so many avenues I can take this wave of thoughts, but I am sticking to my plan and am going to tell you about a man that approached me a couple weeks ago.
Me: Doing my THANG at the squat rack… front squat strength sequence (cause my shoulder… but recently learned it is my scapula thoracic region is problematic and back squat tweaks that area a little too much and hurts holding the bar)… I digress
I see an older man at the machine-thing behind me… I have seen him at globo-ville before… he has white hair… legs built like an OX… has years of life mapped out in his eyes… He waves to me and approaches me. Asks me why I am doing what I am doing. I then explain how the front squat aligns your body, causing you to have to work many muscle groups at the same time, and the benefits of doing them. He then tells me I shouldn’t be doing them for X, Y and Z. The man is 69 years old, has led a long life of what he thinks is ‘right’ and was sharing his perspective with little ginger-y me. I decided to be polite and listen to what he had to say… I, however, chimed in with strong opinion/facts when deemed appropriate. My workout this day was pretty much over, because this kind older man talked to me for a good 20 minutes. He took me over to a squat machine, told me his perspective on ‘saving his knees’ and ‘avoiding a brain aneurism’ by breathing like your blowing birthday candles out…
Now – pause here for a second. I could tell that this man, needed a kind soul to talk to. I listened. I also educated him about paleo… gave him some things to look up (as he is on every medication in the history of man), but seems to get it… he goes to the gym a couple times a day to attempt to regulate his own insulin levels. My mother wound up coming over to say she was leaving (she does pilates, kickboxing, yoga, step, body pump, rowing… the list goes ON and ON). My mother met him. (This is how long I was talking to Allen… or rather, how long he was talking to me, with moments of me chiming in with clarifications or challenges to his theories on life, work, exercise)… I digress.
I’ve seen Allen a few times since that first encounter… waved across the gym – protected (as are most) from intrusion by the ultimate conversation blocker – the IPOD. (again… another topic to explore in the future)
Fast forward to yesterday. I’m at the squat rack again… Went to the gym yesterday to work on the various movements that are going to be in the GARAGE GAMES this weekend… OHS at 75#, SDHP at 75#, toes to bar, 25# weighted sit ups, double unders, 65# thrusters… and did a strength sequence for front squat at the end of my workout (wanted to make sure my legs were really warm). I see Allen coming over to the seated calf raise machine, which is right next to me. He waved to me and asked if I tried the various machines he told me about. I told him honestly, ‘no, not yet’. He looked a little surprised. I asked him how he is doing… told me about his day a little – he had gone earlier to the gym, left his phone… couldn’t find it… someone found it… he came back…
He then told me – he comes to the gym because he has been having a difficult time lately with losing his spouse.
Suddenly, it made sense. This kind, older man didn’t want to change my exercise routine… he needed a very basic human need… communication. I stopped my sequence (I was almost done anyhow) – I could see the hole in his heart through the blankness in his eyes.
I asked him when she died. A year ago. I asked him if she was sick. Dialysis for 20 years. He told me that they were in love since they were 8 years old. That they finished each other’s sentences… both of them couldn’t wait to see one another to tell them about their days…. The story of how they first met and how they held hands walking home to eat dinner. How later on, when they would go visit the grandchildren, he would go take a nap on the couch… and how that would make her mad… but what he was doing (and not telling her) was giving her as much time as possible to be with them – knowing that she had limited time left….
LOVE. True, giving, without bounds LOVE.
They were together for 60 years. The depth of love they had for one another, he explained… surpassed anything he ever knew was possible… that it was a growing appreciation every day for who she was. He moved mountains for her – did everything in his power to make her happy… built an industrial complex right down the road from their house for her dialysis treatments… built her an ‘oasis’ at their home because she was too sick to travel… 60 years of LOVE.
We talked for a good 20 minutes yesterday. I shared my heartfelt perspective (and some big ole ploppy tears… he was welled up too) He is blessed to have had the time with this beautiful woman – the memories generating the journey of his life… and that many people… too many people – NEVER know what that kind of love feels like.
His mission is to not let anyone forget Elaine. He is a shell with his heart empty. He said as much yesterday. I told him the story of my Aunt Dotty, who is now 91… when we were together last (last summer she came to visit) she explained how her husband died. Long story short, her response to anyone that expresses sadness or condolences is – that she had 60 of the best years of her life with her husband… and those memories will never go away… that she was blessed each and every day, and is happy that he is at peace… and he is still with her.
Living for the now is important. We are not guaranteed tomorrow… or next week… or next year… and yesterday has passed. There is no use focusing on what has already happened, for we cannot do anything to change it – or bring it back. We have RIGHT now.
To make a long blog post, even longer… but I will conclude with this… So my son is almost 5. There have been a few deaths in and around the family since he has been alive – most recently one of my best friends’ husband’s brother died suddenly (who was just 21). It was devastating, shocking, and had a huge impact on my son, not because he knew him – but because of the emotion he could feel surrounding it and making the connection with our friends. He asks about it. He asks about what happens when we die. That he doesn’t want to die. Where would I go if I died? Would I come back to visit. When thinking about it… and explaining my thoughts to him – I too became more in touch with what I believe.
I told Braedan… that our spirit never dies. Our body has a set amount of time to be alive, but that all of us eventually die. The universe is made up of all the energy that ever was, and ever will be. When we think about someone, we are connecting with their spirit – and therefore they are always with us… all we have to do is think about them.
I told Allen that his wife lives on in his heart… in their children… and in their grandchildren. (insert ploppy tears here)
I could have put my earbuds back in and finished those last few heavy reps after he waved and said hi. I could have done that very easily… but I value connection and spirit much more. He is blessed to have experienced such LOVE. I am blessed to have had the chance to learn about it.
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I wrote this 6/20/12. I have had so many beautiful conversations with Allen since then. Stay tuned for some of them. A truly special spirit, and I am honored to call him my friend.
paleo boss 